


I Cannot Play the Grieving Girl

by weedviant



Series: Requiem [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: (heidi is implied as a character), Bonding, Emotional Roller Coaster, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, SIKE, Sibling Bonding, all true deh fans will recognize Heidi immediately, and more bonding, bondinh, i love, in the hospital, larry murphy is not the villain, no, sibling bondinggggg, you thought larry was going to suck in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-21 03:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14275824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weedviant/pseuds/weedviant
Summary: Five hours. That’s how long it had been before Zoe was finally allowed to see Connor again.~Part 2 of the Requiem seriessequel to Not The Monster That I Knew





	I Cannot Play the Grieving Girl

**Author's Note:**

> this is the sequel to Not The Monster That I Knew  
> please read that first  
> or don't it's fine  
> that one is about Zoe finding Connor in the orchard  
> this is a follow up
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS  
> -mentioned/implied self harm  
> -hospitalization (duh)  
> -emotional breakdowns  
> -swearing (it's mild, but it's connor)

Five hours. That’s how long it had been before Zoe was finally allowed to see Connor again.

He’d been rushed off, out of Zoe’s grasp, as soon as they had gotten to the hospital. During the ride in the ambulance, Connor had gone slack, sending Zoe into a panic. Once they arrived, she’d begged and screamed to go with him, but a nurse had to hold her back, saying he needed to go into surgery and have his stomach pumped and what not. And eventually, Zoe gave up, going limp and just collapsing on the ground, weeping silently in the middle of the waiting room.

No one bothered her. They left her alone, not sure what to do with her. Everyone just let her cry.

~

An hour later, she’d composed herself some, and was now curled in one of the uncomfortable chairs in the waiting room, earbuds in―she’d had her phone, obviously, and her earbuds were tucked in her jacket pocket―and listening to music. Her eyes were dried out from crying so much, and her makeup was completely wrecked. She didn’t hear the nurse trying to get her attention, only noticing they were there when she felt a tap on her shoulder, causing her to jolt.

The teen plucked the buds out, the music quickly fading away, and she looked up. The nurse offered a weak smile. She looked tired and worried, and her blonde curls fell messily around her weary expression. “You’re Connor’s sister, yes?” she asked, voice very soft and motherly; it was calming.

Zoe nodded a bit, shifting in her seat. “Y-yeah,” she said, hearing her voice crack. It was hoarse from all the crying, and her mouth felt dry. She just felt really gross.

The nurse smiled softly. “They’re just finishing surgery on him… we’ll keep you updated on that.” Zoe let out a sigh of relief, closing her eyes and thanking every being on the planet. The nurse continued. “We need―okay, we were going to ask earlier, but I told them to give you some space―we need contact information… parents? Guardians? I know, we should’ve found this earlier, but we tried without asking so you could have time, but we can’t find anything.”

Zoe took a shuddering breath and nodded. Right. Her parents. She could only imagine the reactions they’d have, and she was sure one wouldn’t be too… caring at first.

“U-uh, yeah, we– our parents are Cynthia and L-Larry Murphy..?” she said weakly, then rattled off their phone numbers as the woman jotted it down on a clipboard.

The nurse nodded, turning to go and seemingly get in contact, but she paused and turned back to Zoe. “Murphy? Oh, you play in the jazz band at your high school, right?” she said sweetly. “My son goes to your school. He likes to go to your concerts sometimes.”

Somehow, Zoe managed to brighten up slightly, letting out a meek chuckle. The nurse offered one last smile and nod before going to get in contact.

~

Two hours passed by. The nurse reapproached, sitting in an open seat next to her. “How’s it hanging?” she asked, and Zoe looked up from her millionth round of 2048, having looped her music playlist by now. She pulled her earbuds out and shrugged. The nurse smiled sympathetically, nodding. “That’s understandable,” she said.

Zoe paused, then looked up, chewing on her lip nervously. “How is he?” she asked.

“He’s in recovery,” she said. “We’ll let you know when he wakes up.”

“Where are my parents?”

The nurse went quiet for a moment, looking down. “I don’t know. Neither answered their cell, but your father answered the home phone… when I told him what happened and that you were here he… paused and then hung up.”

Zoe froze, staring at the ground in disbelief. What a bitch. Why the hell would he do that? Did he care? And now mom didn’t even know?

“I’m sorry hon… can I get you anything?”

Zoe shook her head. “Uh… no, thank you…”

The nurse nodded, telling Zoe she’d say when Connor was awake. Then she left. Zoe fell asleep not long after, exhausted from everything that had happened.

~

The third hour, Zoe was still asleep.

~

Four hours, and Zoe woke to find her parents there. They had arrived while she was asleep. Apparently Larry only hung up because he was so in shock, and he rushed to the other room to tell his wife―Cynthia had broken down and the two frantically rushed to the hospital. 

Mr. Murphy looked so… dead. He had bags under his eyes, and he was stiff. He said nothing, face blank, eyes glazed over.

Mrs. Murphy’s eyes were red and puffy and the little makeup she wore was smudged. She had a crinkled, over used tissue in her hands as she sobbed quietly, looking around with wide and frantic eyes.

Zoe pretended to be asleep.

~

And finally, after five hours of waiting, and a painful 45 minutes where Zoe’s parents realized she was awake and asked her what happened, the blonde nurse from before came back with a slight grin, approaching the family, all three sat up eagerly as she approached, awaiting any news.

She offered a soft nod of greeting. “He’s awake,” she said, and all three tried to stand. But the woman held her hand out to stop them, and all three halted, slowly sitting back down. “He’s still weak and shaken up… so I think you shouldn’t all rush in at once. And…” She turned to look at Zoe, giving a weak, sympathetic, half-smile, “he wants to see Zoe.”

Zoe looked a bit stunned, and her parents looked somewhat hurt, but she nodded, standing slowly from her chair, hands wobbly. The nurse turned and gestured for her to follow, and Zoe did, slowly and anxiously. They approached the door, and she drew in a breath as the nurse pushed open the doors. Connor was lying there, his usual scowl on as he flipped through channels on the tv impatiently. His arms were wrapped in thick, white bandages―Zoe never thought to check his arms when she found him. His sleeves were rolled down so she hadn’t noticed the big gashes in them. The hospital gown hung loosely around his thin frame, and his greasy brown locks were tangled within a hair tie and sitting in a lazy bun on his head.

Zoe suddenly inhaled, holding back a sob because, holy shit, her brother was still alive.

Connor noticed and looked over, his expression softening as he stared at his sister. Something flashed in his eyes. Was it… guilt? Yes, there was definitely guilt. And relief. Relief upon seeing his sister there for him. Zoe looked so tense, and so Connor did something he hadn’t done to her in a while, wanting to offer some sort of comfort.

He flashed a small but genuine smile.

That’s when Zoe broke. She let out a loud sob, running across the room, throwing her arms around Connor when she got to his bed. The girl buried her head in Connor’s shoulder, holding onto him so tight, as if he’d slip away again.

“Jesus, Zoe, I need to fucking breathe,” Connor wheezed, wrapping his arms around her. She relaxed her grip again, but kept her face snuggled into his shoulder.

“I’m so glad you’re alive,” she whispered, holding onto him, tears staining his hospital gown. “I-I‒ I don’t know what I would do if y-you were gone a-and– Connor, I love you so much…!”

Connor paused before letting out a shuddering breath and a small, “I-I love you, too, Zo…”

**Author's Note:**

> feed back? want a follow up?


End file.
